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Q. Most of my friends know me as Polly (short for my middle name, Pauline), and are unfamiliar with my first name, Elizabeth. I plan on using formal wedding invitations. Are parentheses around my nickname OK to use? I’m worried if I don’t use Polly people won’t know it’s me who is getting married.
A. We suggest you avoid using parentheses if you are using a formal wedding invitation. Your guests should be able to tell from your middle name that you are called Polly, short for Pauline. They should also recognize both your last name and your fiancé’s name. Your other option is to use a slightly less formal wedding invitation and use your nickname (Polly Lastname), and not worry about having your entire name on the invitation. The choice is completely up to you and what you feel most comfortable with.
Q. My fiancé and I had to seriously cut down our guest list for our wedding. We are now getting a lot of “regrets” due to travel and schedules and such. Is it okay to start inviting people we had to cut now that there are fewer people than we had expected? Or is that considered rude? We have four weeks until the wedding.
A. It is fine to have a "B" list, and four weeks ahead is enough advance notice. Most brides and grooms have to eliminate a lot of people from their initial invitation list and are thrilled when they can include others. Most friends and relatives are pleased to be included and not offended that they didn't make the first cut. They know you care, and that's what matters.
Q. I am a bride and I was adopted. In the past few years I have sought out and developed a very good relationship with my biological parents, and my adoptive parents are happy about it too. May I include my biological parents on my wedding invitations, and if so how should it be worded?
A. Traditionally the people who are paying for the wedding reception are the ones whose names will appear on the wedding invitations, as they are in fact the hosts of the event. Traditionally this is only the bride’s parents. However, nowadays both sets of parents often contribute and are considered hosts of the wedding reception. In this case, both sets of names appear on the invitation. If your biological parents are also contributing to your wedding then you may certainly include all three sets of names. You would start with the bride’s parents (adoptive) and then include her biological parents, and then the groom’s parents:
Mr. and Mrs. Adoptive
and
Mr. and Mrs. Biological
and
Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents (if his parents are divorced and remarried and both contributing then you add another “and…Mr. and Mr. Groom’s Second Set of Parents” request the honor…
Or if you and your fiancé are contributing to the wedding or you’d just like to keep the invitation short, you could write:
Together with their families
Bride (full name)
and
Groom (full name)
request the honor of your presence at their wedding…
If your biological parents haven’t contributed to the wedding, but you’d like to add them for sentimental reasons, this should first be discussed with the people who are contributing to make sure they feel comfortable with adding the names, even though the biological parents haven't contributed to the event.
Q. When you get tickets to the theatre or opera does your attire have to match the level of seating you have? For example, if you are seating the box seats must you be very formal as opposed to seats in the back of the house?
A. No, the location of your seat does not impact the level of dress for the show or performance. You should be dressed to the standards for the establishment. In some theatres you can wear jeans; in others it’s not okay. When in doubt, call the establishment and ask what they most often see for audience attire for the type of performance you will be attending.
Q. On rubbish days, I put out two large bins on wheels. One is blue (garbage) and the other is grey (recycling). There is a man who walks his dog through the complex in which I live, and every week on rubbish day, I find his dog's waste in my bins. If I put my garbage bin away as soon as the garbage truck has passed by, then he uses the recycling bin, and I find myself removing the waste and placing it into the garbage bin myself. As I do not have a dog, I find all of this rather unpleasant, so I consulted your book in order to determine whether I was overreacting or not.
I realize that this neighbour should not be putting his dog's waste into my recycling bin, but is it fair for me to ask him not to use my rubbish bin either?
A. What an unfortunate situation. You should not be burdened with the waste of your neighbor's dog. You are well within the guidelines of acceptable behavior to ask your neighbor to please not use your garbage or recycling bins for his dog's waste. The tone that you use can go a long way toward making this a pleasant encounter. We recommend not blaming him for past behavior, and instead simply communicating your desire that the behavior change. Please really can be a magic word. If you do not usually see or talk to your neighbor you could put a small sign or note on your trash or recycle bin.
Q. I was curious as to what title the husband of a female head of state would be called.
A. Typically the male spouse of a female head of state is referred to as "The First Gentleman." The husbands of United States’ governors also use this title. If you are addressing the head of state and her husband the proper form would be: President and Mr. Smith.
Q. Is it okay for a host to request of their guests to bring a potluck dish for her ten-year-old son's birthday party? I find it tacky to request guests to bring a dish along with a present.
A. We agree that it's best not to host a potluck birthday party. Just as you wouldn't charge guests to attend a child's birthday party in your home, you shouldn't ask them to provide food for the party you are hosting. By hosting, you're assuming responsibility for providing food and beverages and entertaining your guests.
Potlucks are generally "ultracasual" get-togethers rather than celebrations of specific gift-giving events like birthdays or anniversaries.
