Happy Birthday Emily Post!
by Katherine Hannemann
Etiquette was a concept that held no relevance to my life as a college student in the 21st century.
The idea was as outdated and dusty as hoop skirts and corsets. Little did I know how dramatically and quickly I would learn otherwise from none other than Emily Post.
Last winter, as a fourth-year undergrad at McGill University, my thoughts concerned obscure literary theories, concerts on Boulevard St-Laurent and the impending doom of finding a job after graduation. Yet when I read an article in The Globe and Mail that quoted Lizzie Post of The Emily Post Institute, something clicked.
Fast-forward seven months and 73 miles south of Montreal to Burlington, Vermont. Here I am, the newest and youngest member of the Emily Post staff. Knee-deep in the logistics of booking national media interviews with Post authors and business etiquette seminars with corporate clientele, the pace is frantic and the days pass quickly.
The anniversary of Emily Post’s birth presented me with the opportunity to write a commemorative message on my perception of Emily Post and the current state of civility. This was the perfect moment to stop and reflect on my recent education in modern manners and how I came to be working among its proponents.
One year ago I may have thought, “Wait – remind me, who was Emily Post?” Like many members of my Millennial generation, to me Emily Post was an indistinct cultural figure that I associated with formalities and archaic manners. The imprecise form that Emily Post took in my mind – a woman who taught ladies how to behave in public, one who helped mid-century housewives plan meals and raise their children –had no real relevance to my life. Soon, however, I would come to sharpen my fuzzy view of Emily Post and her legacy, broadening my perspective of what etiquette means in our contemporary world and what a brazen and modern woman Emily Post was.
My knowledge of The Emily Post Institute began on a snowy morning in February 2010. Curled up with the newspaper and a cup of coffee, I scanned the Valentine-themed technology section of the paper for an interesting article. One in particular caught my attention: a special interest story about the growing presence of couples on social networking sites, focusing on several pairs who had fueled their fame with constant tweets during dinners, dates and even in the midst of their wedding vows.
I was appalled by their conduct and its public acceptance: How could adjusting your Facebook relationship status to “married” come before kissing your bride at the altar? Why is taking pictures of your food and posting it on Twitter more important than enjoying the meal and the company before you?
The interruption of social media and networking in real life events, both monumental and mundane, alarmed me. I worried over the intangible and fleeting nature of virtual relationships, and over the effects that the often mindless hours spent satisfying our voyeuristic gaze on the web can have on the authenticity of our real thoughts, conversations, friendships and basic interactions.
As I read on, I was comforted by a like-minded opinion. “I don’t understand why a lot of couples feel the need to interrupt their personal time with each other to tweet,” Lizzie Post said, noting that phones and laptops should always be stowed away during one-on-one face time. Her comments, so similar to my own concerns, sufficiently sparked my curiosity in the modern work of The Emily Post Institute.
I began to research the current prominence of the Institute, as well as the story of Emily Post herself. As I delved further into newspaper and magazine articles, historical texts, EPI’s website and, of course, the big blue book of Etiquette, I realized that the legacy of Emily Post – both today and nearly 90 years ago, when Etiquette was first published – is concerned with much more than a set of predefined social affectations that many conceive of as “etiquette.” Rather, building genuine and lasting relationships through considerate and respectful conduct is (and always has been) the focus of Emily Post and her work. “Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects one another, you have etiquette,” Emily wrote in 1922.
Today, people are “coming together” more and more all the time, whether through expanding virtual networks, greater accessibility to travel, or simply through the commonplace interactions we have always had. Regardless of the form, etiquette is still – and perhaps more than ever – relevant to our lives, no matter what generation we belong to.
And so it is with great excitement that I pay tribute to Emily on her 138th birthday this year. In honor of her birth, I urge you to consider how you “come together” with your friends, family and even strangers on the street. In doing so, keep in mind the value of the sincere, honest connections that Emily worked her whole life to encourage and sustain. Now there’s a reason to toast the Posts.
Katherine Hannemann is the former Event Coordinator at The Emily Post Institute in Burlington, Vermont.